Communication has been difficult at my house recently, so I’ve kept my mouth shut, hiding in my office. Last week, I stumbled upon three ingenious approaches that will help keep communication on target.

DECISIONS BEFORE COMMUNICATION

If you are sharing your thoughts and feelings, decide what you want out of the conversation before beginning. Do I want to be heard, helped, or hugged? If you are listening and unsure what the other person wants, ask.

COMMUNICATION BEING HEARD

Basically, this is venting. Mood Body Studio suggests the following to handle someone who is venting:

First, be fully present—let go of any judgment. Don’t try to fix the issue with advice, don’t add your opinion, and don’t correct the speaker. Let go of any need to come up with an impressive response.

Second, repeat the essence (i.e. a key word or phrase) of their venting back to them as a question, followed by “Tell me more” or “How does/did that make you feel?”

Third, if they ask you for your thoughts or opinions up front, resist the urge! Instead, say “I’d love to really understand where you’re coming from. Can you tell me a little more about [repeat the last thing they said] before I chime in?”

Continue this active listening approach until it’s clear they’ve let it all out. At this point, respond with “How can I best support you right now?,” listen fully to their response, and reflect that back to them.

At first, it might feel awkward to hold a conversation this way, but remind yourself the goal is to help the other person feel seen, heard, and understood.

When coaching or working through issues with direct reports, I try to spend 75% of my words in the form of questions. I don’t offer my thoughts or advice until it’s clear the other person has fully shared everything on their mind and they’re able to move into a collaborative, solution-oriented headspace.

COMMUNICATION BEING HELPED

At times, I’ve come home from work just wanting to vent, and I’ve been handed a list of ways to solve the problem. Then, I would be more frustrated than ever. I have learned to make it clear when I don’t need problem-solving.

However, lately, I’ve found myself dispensing solutions to my husband, only to watch him become totally frustrated with me.

When we solve problems, we feel good, so it is natural to want to jump in with solutions.

COMMUNICATION BEING HUGGED

This is the need for emotional support. According to Mark Warner, this can be done without a physical hug. He has some strategies for  handling “hugging” discussions:

• Demonstrate Empathy. Acknowledge the employee’s emotions and let them know you understand and validate their feelings.
• Offer Emotional Support. Provide a safe, non-judgmental space for the employee to express themselves, and reassure them you’re there to support them.
• Avoid Minimizing or Dismissing. Resist the urge to offer quick solutions or to downplay the employee’s concerns. Instead, focus on active listening and providing emotional validation.
• Suggest Coping Strategies. If appropriate, offer suggestions for healthy coping mechanisms, such as taking a break, practicing self-care, or seeking additional support.
• Follow-up and Check-In. Don’t just leave the employee to deal with their emotions alone. Follow up regularly to ensure they’re doing well and to provide ongoing support.

LAST THOUGHTS ON COMMUNICATION APPROACHES

Now it’s time to put my money where my mouth is. I will explain the three types of needs to him and see if I can get an agreement on clarifying where we are when we speak.

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