I’ve been angry this week. Extremely angry. But why? After deliberating, I’ve realized that I’m tired of life getting in the way of my desires. Chores waiting, stuff broken, a berserk website, relationship issues, volunteer work deadlines. You name it. Simple exhaustion from dealing with problems that have been unrelenting since snowmageddon broke the water pipes and unleveled the house.
I know what you’re saying. Why don’t you hire some help? I have–a wonderful cleaning woman and a great handyman who has come to our rescue recently. But my pocketbook can’t afford them as frequently as necessary to handle everything. So, it’s up to me since my husband is disabled and unable to assist.
Maybe I’m just going through a late-life crisis, fearful that time is running out to finish that bucket list or achieve my dreams. Most of my adulthood was spent doing what I had to do to earn a living, raise a family, and save for the future. Now, the future is here and worries abound. I saved, but will I run out of money? Will my gimpy knee hold out while traveling? When can I get started on the bucket list? Is it OK to be downright selfish?
Somehow, I need to stop beating myself up and find inner harmony.
Manfred F. R. Kets de Vries, in Make Peace with your Unlived Life stated, “We all have a silent side to us; opportunities not taken, feelings never expressed. It’s important not to dwell on what could have been but also not to ignore those traits that make us who we are.”
He recommends accepting these unlived parts and discovering the messages in them. By doing this, you may uncover creative, positive ideas, allowing you to ponder the question not only of “Who am I?” but also “Who do I want to be?” This hard work can stem the tide of spiraling self-pity.
So, my mission is to stop dwelling on the past and find a way forward—one day at a time.