Cooking hacks proliferate the internet and raise my anxiety tenfold. Just type “cooking hacks” into Google, and your mind will spin. These messages are code, telling me I’m incompetent in the kitchen. Why didn’t I already know this?

COOKING HACKS AND SELF-ESTEEM

Do you know I have been wrapping leftover bacon incorrectly for 60 (whoops, a lady never tells her age) years? My momma never taught me the brilliant bacon storage hack. I’ll give you a sneak preview.

In the video, the creator, @yaya.kreates, demonstrates how to cut the package in half straight down the middle. She removes the bacon she’ll use, then saves the plastic packaging. After removing the paper label insert, she simply slides that now-empty side over the remaining half-package of leftover bacon. It fits perfectly, of course.

Additionally, you should bake the bacon in the oven on a baking sheet and sprinkle it with flour. Supposedly, you prevent it from curling as well as avoid splattering grease.

And you know what? Neither my mother nor my grandmothers cut bacon in half before cooking it. They threw it in the cast-iron skillet and NEVER covered it with flour. These methods are just not in my DNA.

This is not a new phenomenon. Before the internet became mainstream, we had Martha Stewart to tell us how to do everything perfectly in the kitchen and home. A 1996 article in the New York Times captured my feelings perfectly. Rich, thin, and blond, “her magazine presents the prospect of coming home to something more pleasant than ambient mess and frozen fish sticks. It offers opportunities to do something right for a change – whether it’s building a window box or baking a loaf of eight-grain bread – without compromises, memos and budget constraints.”

No way could I live up to the standard she set. And while I could avoid buying her magazine, Martha Stewart Living, or watching her television show, it’s hard to get away from the ubiquitous cooking hacks on the web that pop up every time you open a search engine.

They do a greater whack job on my self-esteem than Martha did.

BTW: you will find this comedy clip hilarious.

COOKING HACKS A GLUTTON FOR PUNISHMENT

If you want to drive yourself nutty, I’ve got a link for 100 cooking hacks for you. Ever wonder how to remove fish skin easily? How to reverse sear a steak? (I don’t even know what the hell that means.) How to clean a blender? Well, wonder no more, thanks to the internet.

My solution for removing fish skin easily is to eat it at a restaurant. Furthermore, I don’t cook steak; my husband does. And the blender….Throw it in the dishwasher after you’ve made your daiquiris.

True confession here. I do have my own hack for the easiest daiquiri ever. Just throw a small can of frozen lemonade or limeade concentrate into the blender and fill the can with rum. Add ice and grind away. Oh, and be sure to invite me over so I can taste it and ensure the quality is acceptable. At that time, I will share my recipe for the perfect martini with a Texas twist.

LAST THOUGHTS ON COOKING HACKS

I must confess, there is one hack I use when I occasionally cook. Did you know that if you cook dried beans in distilled water, you don’t have to soak them overnight?

And Martha, I’ve grown fond of you. I loved your COVID shot commercials and was impressed by how you served your prison sentence without whining, then came back and got on with your life.

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