Friends have been important to me for as long as I can remember. As a preschooler, I found a friend down the street, but in retrospect, maybe she wasn’t such a good friend. She and I swiped my parents’ afternoon newspaper and hid it behind a bush in front of the house. As you can imagine, chaos ensued, the newspaper carrier was blamed, and I won’t tell the rest.

The first song I learned as a Brownie Scout was:

Make new friends,

But keep the old.

One is silver

and the other’s gold.

And this sentiment has stayed with me over the years.

LOSING FRIENDS

Losing friends is a way of life. One of us moves, our interests change, or we get too busy to invest the time. And, at my age, even though I have lived in the same community for over twenty years, I am losing friends to the afterlife.

Sometimes we are our own worst enemies. We can lose friends quickly by:

• Talking about ourselves all the time.
• Never answering texts or phone calls.
• Not being transparent – shallow people who don’t share feelings are no fun.
• Avoiding conflict. Don’t let tension grow in a relationship without acknowledging it. Talking it out and saying “I’m sorry” or “You’re forgiven” goes a long way.
• Constantly cutting others down with jokes.
• Expecting the worst from your friends and carrying a chip on your shoulder.

MAKING FRIENDS AS AN ADULT

This is hard! As a stay-at-home mother of preschoolers, I moved to New Orleans in the days when long-distance telephone calls were pricy. The phone rang so seldom that my husband and I would stare at it when it did. Eventually, I realized that it was up to me to find new buddies.

Dr. Marisa G Franco makes the following suggestions:

• Assume people like you.
• Don’t wait for friendships to happen organically.
• Pursue a hobby in a group.
• Keep showing up.
• Generate exclusivity (invite others to meet with you outside the group).
• Show people how much you like them (greet them warmly, compliment them, ).

BTW: This doesn’t always work, but you’ve got to try. One time, I met a couple at church and invited them to brunch at my home afterwards. After the husband discussed liking to sit outside in the buff, my husband flipped out, so we steered clear.

Other times, I have tried to make overtures, but they were rebuffed. (Boy, were those people stupid. I make a great friend.)

KEEPING FRIENDS

Once you have a friend, it’s important to take steps to keep them in your orbit. Communication is the key. Check in with those you haven’t heard from in a while, plan regular gatherings, or, if they live far away, go for a visit.

LAST THOUGHTS ON FRIENDS

I’d like to share a poem written by my friend (pen name Joy Darien) that expresses the benefits of these types of relationships.

 

SISTERS

There we were together

celebrating

our dreams

and our realities.

speaking of life stories nurtured

in a many times hostile world.

 

Through trials, terrors,

tears and triumphs,

sisters find strength, give strength,

heal from a spiritual core.

We are the channel, the magic

that moves the life force on earth

through the womb,

in the home,

throughout our communities,

on the job,

in our hearts.

We reach in, reach out, embrace

and rock ourselves to new heights of

grace.

 

Sisters

are a force undaunted.

Sisters

empower the tapestry of life.

Sisters

are something else.

 

Yes, friends are worth it. Work on strengthening your circle today.

 

Sign up on www.mariewatts.com to receive future Stories About Life delivered to your email address or read more stories by clicking here.