The new normal of aging is banging at my door. So far, I’ve refused to open it, but, alas, you can’t keep the grim reaper away forever. I’ve gone from the routine of weddings and birth announcements to retirements to funerals. Ads for a free dinner to listen to a sales pitch for a vacation condo or for how to invest your life savings have turned into pitches for unique celebrations of life and cremation services.

I recently visited a 92-year-old friend who just had a pacemaker installed. We chatted about the new normal of her life. She critically analyzed whether to modify her home to adapt to her new normal in the event she is not able to walk and climb the two stairs to her house after she finishes rehab. Because she doesn’t have a ramp to her house and it’s not suitable for wheelchair use, should she move to assisted living? Although she has lots of family around, she pointed out that her daughter, who is 70, has children and grandchildren who need her attention.

NEW NORMAL OF AGING AND LONGER LIFE SPANS

Did you know that the new 70 is the old 60? Many of us are in better health than those of our same age who lived before us. The causes are better medical care, better nutrition, and more education. Interestingly enough, higher education plays a large role, as it can lead to higher income, which can translate into better nutrition and a job that does not beat your body up.

NEW NORMAL OF AGING AND TEMPERING EXPECTATIONS

Confronting my age is a painful process. I used to love getting out and working on the ranch. Why not do chores and get your exercise at the same time? Now, that desire has evaporated. I no longer have the desire to push my body to the limit, so I have hired someone to do the work.

And while having a clean, junk-free office appeals to me mentally, it hasn’t happened. I just keep looking at the boxes left and wondering who will go through them.

NEW NORMAL OF AGING AND LOVED ONES

One of the problems with aging is how to handle our loved ones. My husband spent six weeks last year between the hospital and rehab, and my kids became frantic, worrying that I would not be able to care for him and myself living out on the ranch away from civilization. They wanted me to move to Houston to be closer to them so they could help.

Another friend is battling a brace that is to help her stop her knee from hyperextending, and her kids get upset if she is not wearing it despite the fact that it hurts and keeps her from doing the things she loves. Another group talked about a woman who got on blood thinners whose family went ballistic when she wanted to go white water rafting. They feared she would become injured and bleed to death. Then there’s the issue of a 99-year-old with dementia who craves sweets but has diabetes.

And, of course, the thorniest of issues is when to give up driving. Another nonagenarian friend of mine handled the issue with dignity and courage. He moved himself to assisted living and sold his car. He gladly accepts rides and uses the local transit system.

The new normal has us in uncharted territory. What are reasonable risks? When should the quality of life take precedence over the quantity of life? How do we find that balance?

LAST THOUGHTS ON THE NEW NORMAL OF AGING

I won’t be moving to the big city soon, and I’m hoping that by the time I should give up my keys, my car will be self-driving. Technology, take me away! So far, with two artificial knees and new lenses to clear up cataracts, this old chassis has lots of miles left before she hits the junkyard.

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