At 3:40 this morning, I experienced a home invasion. After making my nightly visit to the facilities, I lay down, re-hooked my CPAP, and then the terror began: chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp. Even with the air purifier going, the cricket racket beat tattoos in my brain. After a slight pause, it began again. Sigh. Crickets being indoors happen infrequently, but it’s nerve-racking.
HOME INVASION INSECTS
The biggest home invasion offenders at my central Texas ranch are insects. Ants appear occasionally, but last year, they launched a full-scale invasion, and we had to call the exterminator.
Our most frequent raiders of the insect variety are, by far, the spiders. Everywhere and anywhere, they are likely to be lurking, even in the shower.
Dirt daubers are frequent flyers inside as well. We have an electronic fly swatter for that.
The biggest pain in the ass are the scorpions that show up, usually by surging up the drains. The grandsons go berserk when they go into the guest bathroom and find one lurking in the shower. Groan. Then, it’s time to pull out the shoe. (Note: if you need lessons on how to effectively kill the enemy without using poisonous sprays, please read my comprehensive bug killer blog.)
A roly-poly even strolled through my bathroom the other morning while I was sitting on the throne. After watching him awhile, the urge to annihilate hit. I took drastic action, scooping the organism up in a piece of toilet paper and flushing him down the toilet.
HOME INVASION MAMMALS
My battles with mice are legendary. These stories are from newest to oldest:
Mousecapades: Marginalized Voices
It’s been almost a year since the last visit from Apodemus. While grateful, it leaves me with little to blog about.
The only other mammal that found its way into the house was a newborn cottontail rabbit. Our Australian Shepherd brought it into the house unharmed and promptly let it loose. It managed to hop behind a big desk, refusing to budge. I tried to pick it up, but when scratched by its insidious claws, I dropped it. Eventually, I chased it out the door.
HOME INVASION REPTILES
The evening the snake invaded my fortress was the most vexing. I had seen the nonpoisonous gliding serpent through the floor register of the bedroom. The weather was cold, so I suspect he was simply trying to keep warm. About a week later, however, my husband yelled. The snake had made it into our great room.
Because of his disability, my husband could not physically take action to remove the beast. But, in manly fashion, he directed its removal. “Just pick it up and throw it out!”
My mind went into overdrive, and my mouth reacted. “Are you ‘s%4## kidding?” Please note the snake was a good three feet long. If I picked it up, it would have been wriggling and throwing itself against me.
I eventually grabbed the broom and herded it to an exterior door that I had opened. Unfortunately, it curled up in front of the threshold rather than moving on out. I eventually swept its body over and out, hopefully without traumatic injury to it. However, I assume we were both emotionally damaged.
LAST THOUGHTS ON HOME INVASION
Having these creatures move into my space should not really surprise me. After all, they lived and roamed the area way before I showed up. The interloper in this scenario is me. And the creatures and their descendants will be here long after my progeny and I depart.
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